Freedom of expression is available to all but very few of us know what to say, when to say, how to say and when; what not to say as it’s a matter of choice, practice, consciousness and self-awareness.
Our happiness totally depends on our thoughts, words, dialogues, feelings, expression, reaction, response, expectation, and a level of understanding & learning.
Although we are all created by GOD; we are different from each other. Each one of us has different face , different body shape, different thoughts, different standard of living, different past, different experience, different parents and relatives, different birth time, different taste, different surrounding, different perspective of looking at a thing, different accent, different way of communication, different sleeping patterns, different way of understanding and learning any subject, different style of walking, different biorhythms, different productive hours.
It is said that Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. When by nature we are so different from each other than it’s futile to expect a woman to look like a man, to think like a man, to have the same perspective and paradigm which a man has and vice a versa.
As a spouse, we need not forcefully change each other and spoil relationship by ruling or controlling each other. Rather we need to give freedom of space to each other so that we can live a happy life together. To retain long-term or life long relationship we have to learn to accept the situation with many compromises.
Once Rajneesh OSHO said …
“If you love a flower, don’t pick it up because if you pick it up, it dies and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.”
यदि आप किसी फुल को पसंद करते हो, तो उसे प्राप्त करने के लिए उसे तोडिये नहीं, क्यों की जब आप उस फुल को तोड़ते हो तो, उसे प्राप्त करने की आपकी चाहत मैं वह फुल मर जाता है.
किसी को अपने कब्ज़े (possession) मैं लेना प्यार नहीं है, किसी को दर्द और तकलीफ देकर हमे प्यार और ख़ुशी नहीं मिलेगी.
प्यार तो प्रशंशा मैं है, प्यार तो आज़ादी मैं है, प्यार तो एक दुसरे को समझने मैं है, प्यार तो एक दुसरे का हर परिस्तिथी मैं साथ निभाने मैं है.
Indeed it is a great lesson for all of us. Force always negate, freedom is nature. It’s Love.
Love is based on freedom & appreciation and not on expectation or need or possession. Most of the problems starts when there is more expectation and less understanding between us. We all want freedom but we have not learned how to give freedom to our life partner or loved one. To get something, first we have to give! We live in the world which works on law of giving and receiving and not the opposite way.
You expect from your spouse to do the things which you like, not actually what she/he likes, that’s not love. We all love to take care of our old parents, life partner, and our children but it should not be at the cost of taking their freedom.
We expect people should live as per our expectations. We want to change other people by possession; we want to change our surrounding rather than changing ourselves from our inside with self-awareness and deep understanding of love and care.
As a human being each one has their own feelings and we release the same by expressing it through words and action. Everyone have their own perspective and the way of living since their childhood.
You can’t change their paradigm in a day or in an hour of argument or discussion. It takes many years to develop certain thinking patterns, understanding about human relationship and happiness by self-awareness through daily practice of love and care.
We are actually living in a world of CAUSE & EFFECT. The surrounding which we want to change is the EFFECT. And if we want to change the EFFECT (surrounding), we need to take care of cause.
Understanding and learning about building healthy relationship is a lifelong process, till the end of journey. It’s not a destination. I would suggest every spouse should read this book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.
Love is the absence of judgment – Dalai Lama
I will end this post here because, it is said that it takes multiple birth to understand and write about the relationship of husband and wife.
Wishing you all a better than good life!